Taking the time to be a Father

Post by Edwina Hine

Lately, I found the following article (German vice-chancellor takes time off to be a dad, The Guardian) very interesting.  As I was reading it, I was reminded of Case Magazine #12 with the theme 'Family Foundations: What’s important for marriage, parenthood and family life.'

In Case Magazine #12  Professor Trevor Cairney writes about families, and in particular The Role of Fathers: Aligning biblical wisdom and research. It is an in-depth look at fatherhood and explores many issues that affect parents particularly dads. In the essay he sets out with two central aims.

To encourage fathers (and mothers) "...to develop an understanding of what God expects of fathers as men of God; and, second, to encourage further discussion relating to how we can work at reshaping our lives so that those of us who are fathers spend time with our families, loving them, teaching them, instructing them in God’s ways and modelling what it means to “love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.”

Photo sourced from SMH

Prof Cairney draws on demographic research to illustrate the changing structure of the family, and discusses how changes in employment patterns have impacted on the family. He discusses how research suggests that changing working patterns are having many adverse effects on families. In particular, highlights that atypical hours of work are problematic with negative impacts on health, relationships, families and children’s well being. He also reminds us what the bible teaches on God-centred families and in particular fathers.

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Eph 6:4

The article referenced in this blog post is available as a free download from the CASE Website. CASE Associates receive Case magazine 4 times per year as part of their benefits. For blog followers who are yet to be CASE Associates you can sign up HERE or order a single copy HERE.

A biblical view of marriage

Post by Edwina Hine

The last few weeks have seen vigorous debate about the institution of marriage in Australia, particularly 'marriage equality' for gay couples. I was reminded of Case Magazine #12 with the theme Family Foundations: What’s important for marriage, parenthood and family life.

This edition of Case did not cover much of the debate surrounding "marriage equality", yet the first article of the publication was a very insightful read on marriage, comparing economic and biblical covenant descriptions of what marriage is. The article entitled Economists, Christians And The ‘Marriage Wars’ (Donald Hay & Gordon Menzies) details the increasingly common economic approach to marriage, and highlights the analysis of Nobel Prize winning economist Gary Beckers. Beckers concluded from his research that it is

“based on the ‘productive’ gains that are available from specialisation in market production and household production, and in the production of children. In the writings of more recent theorists, the gains are then shared on the basis of an implicit contract between the husband and wife.”

The authors then compare the economic view to the biblical or covenantal understanding of marriage, concluding that this relationship is

“an inbuilt goal of male/female relationship ‘…a fact of creation, and therefore not negotiable’…..The biblical understanding of marriage as an ideal social institution identifies five separate ‘goods’ that it promotes—relationship (Gen. 2:8), procreation (Gen. 4), social order (Gen. 2:24), sexual intimacy (1 Cor. 7:3-7) and the provision of material goods that meet the needs of the spouse.”

Again, whilst this article doesn't deal specially with some of the current hot topics surrounding the marriage debate the article is a good introduction to a biblical perspective on marriage. Regular Case readers might enjoy reviewing the article again.

Photo sourced from SMH article 

In the same issue of Case Magazine Professor Trevor Cairney writes about families. The essay is titled The Role of Fathers: Aligning biblical wisdom and research. It is an in-depth look at fatherhood and explores many issues that affect parents particularly dads. Two central aims of the article is to spur

“fathers (and mothers) develop an understanding of what God expects of fathers as men of God; and, second, to encourage further discussion relating to how we can work at reshaping our lives so that those of us who are fathers spend time with our families, loving them, teaching them, instructing them in God’s ways and modelling what it means to “love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.”

This is a timely article in a month, when it was announced fathers will get two weeks' government-funded parental leave from next year, after legislation passed through Federal Parliament only a few weeks ago. (SMH)

Both articles are available as free downloads from the CASE Website. CASE Associates receive Case magazine 4 times per year as part of their benefits. For blog followers who are yet to be CASE Associates you can sign up HERE or order a single copy HERE.

Edwina Hine (New College and CASE)

The Mark of a True Man

Rev Al Stewart wrote an excellent short piece titled 'The Making of a Man' in the May 2011 edition of the Christian newspaper 'Eternity'. In it he quoted Steve Biddulph who is the author of a number of books that deal with men and boys, including 'The New Manhood'. When asked what is the difference between a man and a boy Biddulph replied this way:

"Boys care about themselves, men care about other people"

Like Al Stewart, I think this is a key insight, for it is an important part of what it means to be a man in the varied roles we serve as husbands, fathers, leaders, bosses, brothers, mates and so on. God has made men different to women, not just in terms of physical strength and appearance, but also in the way we complement women. He has also given us special and distinct roles within the family and marriage.

When I last made reference to Steve Biddulph in a post I titled 'Other People's Children' (here), I spoke of the influence of just 'a few decent men' on my life - a 4th Grade teacher, a neighbour, and the owner of a pinball and slot car shop. None of these men were Christians, but all provided good models in varied life roles including husband, neighbour, teacher, mentor, business owner, father and husband. All had a significant influence on me and God used this for my 'good'.

Al Stewart suggests that we should recalibrate what we consider impressive in a man. "The mark of a man is the care he shows for others".  And he's right! This is an important part of male character. Those who know God must seek to honour him in all they do. We respond to his grace, love and the mercy shown to us in Christ, and in turn serve, protect, represent, guide, help and lead others. There are many other human virtues, but surely servanthood is a very important one and the ultimate model of servanthood will always be Christ.

There seems to be much confusion about the making of a man. How do we judge the worth of men? Women, what do you look for in a man? Men, what do you see as important in other men at work, at home, in the community, in relationships? Think of the imperfect men who have had a positive impact on us and contemplate why? Al Stewart is right, we do need to think in new ways about what makes a true man.

Other posts and articles from CASE on fathers and families

1. An article I wrote on 'The role of fathers' in Case 12 (here).
2. How time spent with children matters (here).
3. The impact of the loss of time spent sharing meals (here), and the role of fathers more generally (here).
4. The shared responsibility we have with communities for other people's children (here) and in the church (here).
5. A number of more practical posts about fathers on my other blog 'Literacy, families and learning' (here).
6. Apologetics in Family Life (here)
7. 'Marked by my Dad' (here)

Marked by my Dad

The mixed emotions of Fathers' Day

It's Fathers' Day in many countries today, a time when we give thanks for our fathers and remember the role they play in their children's lives. However, as an older father (my daughters are pictured on the right), the day for me is more about me being thankful for the blessings of fatherhood and the love of my Heavenly Father shown in his kindness to me. I love seeing my children (and their husbands) and grandchildren any day of the year (and have plenty of opportunities to do so), and every time I think of them I can't help but be thankful to God for the precious gift of families and fatherhood. What a privilege and responsibility it is to be a father.

But for many, the act of remembering our fathers, or even reflecting on how we have fathered our children, can bring mixed emotions. While many have good relationships with their fathers, and many fathers had a strong relationship with their children (as I have), others don't share this experience. Fathers' Day can be a reminder to fathers of their own failings, and for some children it can also be day that is difficult because their relationship with their fathers has not been a positive one.

Reflecting on fatherhood with new eyes

If you are a father, I'd encourage you to reflect on your father and his role in your life and perhaps your role as a father, with new eyes. I had a difficult childhood and a pretty poor relationship with my father (that's us on the left). As I grew up I didn't see him as a great role model and when I became a Dad I almost consciously sought to be a different father. And yet, even in the midst of my father's frailties and weaknesses, I can see that he left his mark on me in many positive ways. As a Christian (since I was 31 years old) I have been slowly able to see that many seemingly inconsequential things in my relationship with my Dad had an impact on me.

For a start, he instilled in me a strong sense of social justice, an understanding of hard work and a political interest. But there are many other more minor ways in which my relationship with my Dad shaped me; here's just one. For many years I thought my Dad had taught me nothing as a child. He left school in Grade 6 and he had no practical skills. I didn't look to him for intellectual stimulation, that was a role that my Grandfather On my mother's side) filled. For example, as an adult when I came to love books, I thought for many years that my Dad had played no part in this. I can never recall him reading me a book as a child. But in my 40s one day I was struck by the memory that he constantly told me stories, anecdotes from his life.  These were stories of his childhood in Scotland living in tenement housing near Glasgow, knowing true 'bread and dripping' poverty in a family of 10 boys and an 11th child a little girl (the last born) who died at age 2. Later he told stories of his work in the coal mines of the Hunter Valley (NSW) and his role in the trade union movement. I can now see, that his constant storytelling had a huge impact on me. He taught me about the power of stories without even reading me a single story (I've written about this on my Literacy blog HERE).

In the minor details of life, my interaction with him left their mark; some to be honest are scars that I will carry to my grave, mostly unspoken and never shared. Others brought good as well bad. Here's one I can share of this type. I can recall one day shovelling coal (a 10 ton load) with my Dad and another man from next door when I was about 7-8 years old (about the age in the picture above). I can remember vividly how impressed they both were that when they slowed down I kept going. I recall their words "only a kid and he works like a man". This incident, and perhaps others like it, was a critical part of the development of my drive and a work ethic that continues to this day, both a blessing and a curse. For a small boy desperate for his Dad's approval and rarely getting it, this one moment had a huge impact on me. It marked me, not necessarily all for good, for my drive and ambition have got me into trouble at times.

Accepting our responsibility as fathers

The great challenge for all fathers is to first have a right view of God. We need to be fathers who trust, obey and serve our God and who seek to teach our children to understand the wisdom of God and to follow him. Deuteronomy (Deut 6:4-9) offers an image of this type of fatherhood. This is a picture of an involved father. If we were to translate this biblical picture into contemporary terms, we would see a father who seeks to obey and honour God, who sets a good example for his family, who models what it is to be a child of God. Such a father spends time with his children (indeed will 'waste' time with them), listens to them and shares godly wisdom at meal times, while resting, while together at home, while travelling. Such an engaged father hopes that they can hopefully mark their children for the ultimate 'good', a relationship with God the Father through Christ (Rom 8:28-30).

My own reflections on childhood reinforce for me the important role that fathers have. God uses us even in our weakness and failings. Pray that God will help you to give fatherhood your best shot, and that even in your weakness, that God in his mercy and kindness will still use you in some way as he draws your children into a relationship with him that will mark them for eternity.

Some of my other posts and writing on fathers and families

An article on families in Case 12 (here).

How time spent with children matters (here).

The impact of the loss of time spent sharing meals (here), and the role of fathers more generally (here).

The shared responsibility we have with communities for other people's children (here) and in the church (here).

A number of more practical posts about fathers on my other blog 'Literacy, families and learning' (here).

Apologetics in Family Life (here)

Fathers matter!

1. Secular research tells us that fathers matter

I wrote in an article on families in Case 12 (here), that research suggests that families matter, and that within families fathers have a special role. I’ve also written a number of previous posts about families, including how time spent with children matters (here), the negative impact of the reduction of time spent sharing meals (here), and the role of fathers more generally (here). As well, I've written posts on the shared responsibility we have with communities for other people's children (here) and in the church (here). The latter is critical for families where no father is present. Finally, I've written a number of more practical posts about fathers on my other blog 'Literacy, families and learning' (here).

To recap some of my previous arguments; research on families and demographic trends have demonstrated a number of significant changes in families and parental practices in recent decades. I summarised the trends last time under four headings:

• Family structures are changing – e.g. there are less children in families, women are having children later in life, there are more sole parent households, there are more blended families, children stay at home longer (and many more return as adults) etc.
• Employment structures are changing - and they have an impact on families, with more parents working in multiple jobs, more women back in the workforce, many workers working longer hours, more people working from home etc.
• Fathers and mothers have changed roles and levels of engagement as parents - and while there is a trend towards some fathers spending more time caring for children, for others longer working hours have affected family life. As well, the increase in women doing paid work outside the home has led to more children in the critical first five years of life being placed in childcare with mixed impacts.
• Research has highlighted the critical role that fathers have - for example, fathers have a significant impact on their children’s learning and behaviour. The influence on children’s education alone (the quality of which is also correlated with many other behavioural factors) is significant, as a UK centre on fatherhood has outlined.
  

Other research has suggested that the influence of fathers and family structures flows well beyond children’s learning (see for example Qu and Soriano, 2004). I concluded in my Case article that:

Research suggests, that fathers who show affection, give support and yet offer an authoritative parenting style, have a more significant impact on their children, when compared with fathers who adopt a more authoritarian and detached style. Other evidence indicates that who the father is, and what he does in life makes a difference.

In summary, what many research studies show is that fathers have a significant influence on child health and wellbeing, cognitive and emotional development and life outcomes.

2. The Bible tells us that fathers matters too

The importance of families is seen throughout the Bible. The concept of family is central to God’s plan for his creation and its restoration. The Bible teaches that relationships, like creation itself, were affected, disrupted and dislocated by sin in the Garden (the book of Genesis describes what happened). But God sustained his people in families and sought to restore them to their rightful place and adopt them into his own family (see for example Paul’s letter to the Ephesians 1:4-5). God continues to use families in spite of the curse that has been placed on family relationships as a result of sin, and the struggle that ensues between men and women (Gen 3). God’s plan to rescue his people ultimately involves family – his family!

As well, the critical role of fathers is clear within Scripture. The nation of Israel was one family, descended from Abraham. Within the nation that would rise up as a result of God’s promise to Abraham, there would be tribes defined on family lines and ultimately families within the family, all linked through fathers. Fathers are central to families in the Bible. Marriage in turn is seen as necessary to create a nuclear family – a man and woman, committed to each other in a covenant relationship - which seeks to have and raise godly children (Mal 2:14-15).

How the father fulfils his role as a father in families, is less clear and more open to varied styles of parenting. This of course is within the boundaries of God's expectations of godliness and faithfulness to him and the primary responsibility to make the gospel of Christ the centre of our parenting (see my post on 'Shepherding a Child's Heart' here). But there is no doubt that the godly father who exercises authority over his family is a central part of God's work of redemption within families. I've always found that one of the most practical places to look for guidance on how fathers lead their families is the advice God gave to Moses to pass on to the Israelites in the desert before they entered the Promised Land. Having exhorted them to fear God and obey his commandments, and to take care of how they lived (Deut 6:1-3), God gives instructions on how this is to be done within their families.

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house

and on your gates.” (Deut 6:4-9)

God expected the men of Israel to obey his commandments and to love him with all of their being – heart, soul and strength. He also expected them to teach God’s commands and expectations to their children in the ‘everydayness’ of life. To talk about God when they sat together at home, when they walked from place to place, when they were preparing for bed and rest, and when they rose in the morning. They were to speak of God’s ways, to wear the words of God’s law on their foreheads (no I’m not about to suggest we introduce this practice that is still followed by some Orthodox Jews), and write them on the doorposts and entrances to their houses, so that they would not forget them and so that they could teach them even more effectively to their children.

Here is a picture of a father with a right view of God, who trusts, obeys and serves his God and who seeks to teach his children to understand the wisdom of God and to follow him. This is also a picture of an involved father. If we were to translate this biblical picture into contemporary terms, we would see a father who seeks to obey and honour God, who sets a good example for his family, who models what it is to be a child of God. Such a father spends time with his children (indeed will 'waste' time with them), listens to them and shares godly wisdom at meal times, while resting, while together at home, while travelling. This is an engaged father, one who makes time for his family!

3. Practical implications

As Christian fathers there are some fairly obvious implications for us. As a framework for self-assessment, fathers might consider the following:

Godly Leadership - Is my life demonstrating to my wife and my children that it is centred on Christ?
Engagement – Does my life give priority to interactions with my children and do we share joint activities? Is biblical teaching a part of this?
Accessibility – Am I available to talk with, listen to and simply be seen by my children?
Responsibility – Do I share family responsibility for childcare? [I'm not suggesting a specific model for shared parenting here but the evidence suggests that being involved with kids means time spent with them, and some of the above flows from this].

Other resources and links

Apologetics in Family Life (here)
Fatherhood Institute
Family Action Centre (Newcastle University)
'Literacy, families and learning' (here)

The problem of increasingly absent parents

Nicole at '168 Hours' blogged a few days ago concerning the pressure on ‘Tween’ girls today. She made reference to a review in the Sydney Morning Herald of a book written by Maggie Hamilton – What’s happening to our girls. She made special mention of the fact that by the time girls are close to becoming teenagers both parents are working, female role models are less available (because they see their mothers less) and so some girls turn increasingly to peers.

“While this gives tween girls more freedom, many end up spending a significant amount of time on their own….As parents are frequently not around, girls turn to their peers for support. This gives young girls a lot of power over each other's lives.”

The same can be said in relation to ‘tween’ boys and fathers. There is good research evidence to suggest that there is a relationship between the time mothers and fathers spend with their children and their children' well-being. I’ve written a number of previous posts about families and time with children, including reduced time being spent by parents with their children (here), the reduction of time spent sharing meals (here), and the role of fathers (here). I also wrote in Case magazine last year concerning research concerning the impact of fathers on their children’s lives (available here).

Nicole’s post has prompted me to revisit the topic to comment a couple of things.

1. There are qualitative differences in the time fathers spend with their children

While fathers are spending slightly more time with their children than they used to, they still spend much less time than mothers, and there appear to be qualitative differences in the time spent with them. As you’d expect fathers spend less than half the hours in direct care of children under the age of 14 years. But they spend less time in all major areas of involvement:

• Engagement – i.e. direct interactions with their children and joint activities.
• Accessibility – i.e. being available for possible interaction in the house or even by phone.
• Responsibility – i.e. being responsible for childcare and the resources their children need.

A study by Goldman (2005) found that when asked who they would turn to for emotional support, 23% of boys with low self-esteem said they would go to their fathers, while 44% said they would turn to their mothers. In the case of high self esteem boys, 61% would turn to fathers and 76% to their mothers. When 11 to 16 year olds were asked who they would turn to if trying to make decisions about what to do with their lives after the age of 16 years, 10% said they would turn to their fathers and 33% indicated they would talk to their mothers. The rest largely turned to peers.

What studies like the above show is that more mothers than fathers engage in experiences with their children, and particularly with their sons, that promote physical and emotional intimacy. These data also suggest that if mothers are less available for boys in the teenage years will, that this could have adverse effects, particularly when coupled with low father involvement.

2. Growing up without a father makes a big difference

Research also consistently shows that children growing up without their fathers face more difficulties and are at higher risk of low school achievement, higher unemployment after school, earlier childbearing and delinquency. Boys growing up without fathers also seem especially prone to exhibit problems as varied as gender-identity, psychosocial adjustment, and aggressiveness. Girls are also affected by father-absence, although the effects on girls may be less enduring, dramatic, and consistent than the effects on boys. The absence of mothers (increasingly), as Maggie Hamilton writes, increases the risk of problems for girls as well.

3. Fathers help boys with peer relationships

Fathers play an important role in their children's socialization and including having potential influence on their children's relationships with peers (this applies to girls and boys). Professor Ross Parke at the University of California (Riverside) has spent many years exploring mother-father differences in styles of interaction. A particular interest has been in the lessons that are learned in the family that, in turn, influence children's adaptation to peers. He has identified several sets of mediating processes that bridge the gap between the family and peer group:

• Helping with emotional regulation and support concerning social relationships.
• Instructing, tutoring and modelling how to interact with peers.
• Managing their children's peer relationships through some level of control of peer contacts.

Research also suggests that fathers are important players in the development of a child’s emotional regulation and control. For both resident and nonresident fathers, active and varied involvement in their children's lives, rather than just the amount of contact and time, appears to be important. In the teenage years, strong and close relationships with resident biological fathers or stepfathers are associated with better educational, behavioral, and emotional outcomes. High involvement and closeness, appears to reduce delinquent behavior and increases emotional stability.

Research evidence continues to show what the Bible has always taught, families matter! Mothers and fathers play different but complementary roles in nurturing, teaching and guiding their children.

Other useful resources

Fatherhood Institute
Family Action Centre (Newcastle University)

The importance of fathers

I wrote in Case magazine earlier in the year (The Role Of Fathers: Aligning biblical wisdom and research) on how research on families and demographic trends have demonstrated a number of significant changes in families and parental practices in recent decades. The trends can be summarized under four headings:

• Family structures are changing – e.g. there are less children in families, women are having children later in life, there are more sole parent households, there are more blended families, children stay at home longer (and many more return as adults) etc.
• Employment structures are changing - that have an impact on families, with more parents working in multiple jobs, more women back in the workforce, many workers working longer hours, more people working from home etc.
• Fathers and mothers have changed roles and levels of engagement as parents - While there is a trend towards some fathers spending more time caring for children, for others longer working hours have affected family life. As well, the increase in women doing paid work outside the home has led to more children in the critical first five years of life being placed in childcare.
• Research has highlighted the critical role that fathers have - For example, fathers have a significant impact on their children’s learning and behaviour. The influence on children’s education alone (the quality of which is also correlated with many other behavioural factors) is significant, as a UK centre on fatherhood has outlined.
  

In a synthesis of five key UK studies Goldman (2005) concluded that higher involvement of fathers in their children’s learning alone is associated with:

• better class and exam results;
• higher educational expectations & qualifications;
• better attitude to school, attendance & behaviour;
• less delinquent & criminal behaviour;
• higher quality family relationships; and
• better mental health.

Other research has suggested that the influence of fathers and family structures flows well beyond children’s learning. Qu and Soriano (2004) conclude that family formation has important implications for individuals and society in relation to health and wellbeing, financial security, life outcomes for children and population growth.

Research also suggests that fathers who show affection, give support and yet offer an authoritative parenting style, have a more significant impact on their children, when compared with fathers who adopt a more authoritarian and detached style. Other evidence indicates that who the father is, and what he does in life makes a difference. For example, Goldman reports research that suggest that high levels of antisocial behaviour (eg, not paying bills, aggressiveness and so on) in fathers were associated with sons displaying more difficult behaviour at home and school.

In summary, what many research studies show is that fathers have a significant influence on the cognitive, emotional and social development of their children and that this is even more significant for boys.

What the Bible says about fathers and families?

The importance of families and the critical role of fathers are seen throughout the Bible. The concept of family is central to God’s plan for his creation and its restoration. The Bible teaches that relationships, like creation itself, were affected, disrupted and dislocated by sin in the Garden (the book of Genesis describes what happened). But God sustained his people in families and sought to restore them to their rightful place and adopt them into his own family (Paul’s letter to the Ephesians 1:4-5 talks about this). He continues to do so in spite of the curse that has been placed on family relationships as a result of sin, and the struggle that ensues between men and women (Gen 3:16). God’s plan to rescue his people ultimately involves family – his family!

Throughout the pages of the Old and New Testaments, family is important. The nation of Israel was one family, descended from Abraham. Within the nation that would rise up as a result of God’s promise to Abraham, there would be tribes defined around family lines and ultimately families within the family, all linked through fathers. Fathers are central to families in the Bible. Marriage in turn is seen as necessary to create a nuclear family – a man and woman, committed to each other in a covenant relationship, who seek to have and raise godly children (Mal 2:14-15).

Some practical implications

I can’t cover lots of implications in one post (but I might over a series of posts). There are many places I could turn to in the Bible for guidance, but there can be no better place than the advice that God gave to Moses to pass on to the Israelites in the desert before they entered the Promised Land. Having exhorted them to fear God and obey his commandments and to take care how they live (Deut 6:1-3), God gives instructions on how this is to be done within their families.

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house
and on your gates.” (Deut 6:4-9)

God expected the men of Israel to obey his commandments and to love him with all of their being – heart, soul and strength. He also expected them to teach God’s commands and expectations to their children in the ‘everydayness’ of life. To talk about God when they sat together at home, when they walked from place to place, when they were preparing for bed and rest, and when they rose in the morning. They were to speak of God’s ways, to wear the words of God’s law on their foreheads (no I’m not about to suggest we re-introduce this practice that is still followed by some Jewish people), and write them on the doorposts and entrances to their houses, so that they would not forget them and so that they could teach them even more effectively to their children.

Here is a picture of a father with a right view of God, who trusts, obeys and serves his God and who seeks to teach his children to understand the wisdom of God and to follow him. This is also a picture of an involved father. If we were to translate this biblical picture into contemporary terms, we would see a father who seeks to obey and honour God, who sets a good example for his family, who models what it is to be a child of God. Such a father spends time with his children (indeed will 'waste' time with them), listens to them and shares godly wisdom at meal times, while resting, while together at home, while travelling. This is an engaged father who makes time for his family!